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“I’m sorry, but sometimes opposites don’t attract,” the words played over in Paula’s mind in endless repetition. She stared at the blank monitor, trying not to focus on the ghost from her past. Her ex-lover was draped over Paula’s memory like an everlasting overcast. She longed to feel the rays of hope, but none shone through. The sun beams that once colored her life were now smothered by the grey clouds of the recent past.
The cursor waited patiently for Paula to type new words. It cared not for the emotions behind the words; only the context, just like Lexsie. Paula pushed the bridge of her glasses up, while awaiting the next wave of sentences to crash upon her conscience. Right now her muse was like a lake that had been drained of all its water. The cursor didn’t mind; it could wait forever.
“But sometimes opposites DO attract, Lexsie. Don’t you want to find out if it’s that way with us?” Paula remembered pleading to her girlfriend. She remembered gazing into those hazel eyes, disguised masterfully by blue contacts. She remembered feeling that dyed blonde hair, a landmark in the art of Lexsie’s deception. Paula smiled to herself bitterly at how important the superficial world was to Lexsie. How come something as genuine as their love couldn’t be as important?
“Come on Paula, this isn’t helping,” the young woman encouraged herself to push those thoughts behind her and focus on the new character. She gave her head a little shake to clear her mind. The waves in her dark brown hair shimmered as it reflected the morning sun that was peering through the window.
A smile spread over Paula’s face when she saw the how sunny it was. In an instant, the steadily flashing cursor was forgotten. She quickly freed her legs from the chair and slid her feet into her suede sheepskin-cuff slippers. As she stood up, the cashmere blanket fell from her naked body. The mirror across the room caught her eye and she stopped to admire the milk-white skin of her curvy figure. The sight of her bush, which hadn’t been trimmed in several days, made her frown briefly. Messy strands of hair draped over her large breasts. Since Lexsie had left, there was just no incentive to keep up appearances.
However, she still enjoyed enveloping her naked body in her favorite vanilla cashmere queen blanket. Lexsie had given it to her on her birthday and it was easily her most cherished possession. The distinguished scent of her lost lover was still on it, although it faded more with every passing day. She wrapped it around her snugly and then moved over to the window for a better look at what the morning offered.
It was like stepping into an oil painting of a classic autumn day. More than half of the crisp leaves had fallen from the branches of the dying trees. The sidewalks were decorated with splotches of red, orange and brown. The occasional light wind swept at the leaves, rearranging their chaotic patterns. The only clouds in the pale blue sky appeared as light smudges.
“Gorgeous,” the young woman whispered to herself pleasantly. Her brown eyes glistened as the sunlight bounced off of them playfully.
Being a small town, the street in front of Paula’s house had very little traffic. This made it easy to avoid feeling too self-conscious about walking in front of windows wearing nothing but an expensive blanket. So it was perfectly natural for her to let out an “eep!” and duck down when she suddenly saw a woman walking down the sidewalk in front of her.
After waiting a moment, Paula slowly lifted her head up to see if the woman had yet moved on. Ready to drop in an instant, her eyes darted nervously to scan the street. There! The woman was definitely lingering; her head was angled high as if she was observing something in a nearby tree. The woman had her back to Paula, so she could only see her long, blonde mane that cascaded on her heavy grey coat. Intrigued, Paula shifted her head in order to follow the woman’s gaze.
“Chirp chirp!” the sound came from the direction that they were looking. Many branches concealed the birds’ location, but their whimsical melodies made their presence unmistakable.
“Have they been singing the entire morning?” Paula wondered. She silently scolded herself for being so wrapped up in her own depression that she couldn’t even notice bursa escort bayan the beautiful things right in front of her. Realizing that she was letting her guard down by becoming lost in thought, she quickly lifted her eyes again. But it was too late; the mysterious woman was gone.
* * * * * * * * * *
After a humbling breakfast of fried-turned-scrambled eggs and burnt toast, Paula decided that a shower would be just what she needed. She set her blanket by the heater so that it would be nice and warm when she was finished.
Everything in the world that made any kind of sound either had tone or rhythm, or sometimes both. Paula always found herself looking for these things. ‘The music of the world’, she called it. The water that emerged from the shower head pattered rapidly on the shower floor. As she slipped in under the cascading streams, the water kissed her neck and its pitch changed. Paula closed her eyes to envelope herself in its soothing tone.
Paula’s imagination projected Lexsie’s ghost in front of her. As long as her eyes remained closed, the memories remained vivid. She recalled with fondness how they enjoyed washing each other before lovemaking. It was a kind of unique foreplay that Paula had never shared with another woman. Paula’s hands became Lexsie’s as she ran her fingers through her hair and massaged her scalp. Her lover’s touch was always filled with a commanding allure that Paula could not resist.
She took the liquid soap and smeared it all over her chest. Suds began to form as she slowly lathered her slick breasts. Lexsie always seemed to take great pleasure in watching Paula’s eyes become unfocused as she kneaded her rosy bosoms. She teased her nipples, enjoying feeling them grow firm.
With her eyes still closed, Paula watched her lover come closer to kiss her. Intoxicated, she leaned forward to meet Lexsie’s lips. The emptiness of the air before her caused her to open her eyes in disappointment. How could a memory be so convincing? She dropped her hands and let the water wash the soap off of her body absent-mindedly.
Lost in thought, Paula rubbed the towel on her legs vigorously. She reminded herself that the purpose of the shower was to refresh her mind, not indulge in fantasies that would make her sink further into sadness. She paid no attention to her reflection as she brushed her hair, as she was to busy resolving to focus on her new character. Before she knew it, she was back in front of her computer and cuddling with her blanket.
“Ok, you little brat; why won’t you tell me who you are?” Paula questioned the blank screen in front of her. She took a sip of the freshly-made coffee and thought again of the blonde woman she had seen earlier. Plenty of people had walked passed her window at one time or another. However, to her knowledge, no one had ever stopped to admire the birds before. What kind of person would do such a thing? Perhaps someone who refused to let the frustrations of the world wear her down. Maybe the woman was financially independent and did not have the normal daily burdens like everyone else.
Paula smiled to herself, for she realized that the ambiguity of the woman had sparked her muse. The author’s curiosity was giving her plenty of ideas for her new fictional heroine. The faceless, blurry figure in her mind began to take a more distinguished shape.
Excited, Paula quickly looked up a series of names to give to her new imaginary friend. After browsing through several, she finally decided on ‘Nadia’. It had a Russian origin and meant ‘hope’. To Paula, the meanings of names were just as important as how they rolled off one’s tongue. The young author was quite disappointed when she found out that her name meant ‘small and humble’. She had always considered herself to be weak in both body and mind, but seeing it translated as such was discouraging. That’s why she needed a main character who represented something brighter and stronger. ‘Hope’ was an ideal definition for her woman’s name.
Though Paula had made a vow this morning to not look at the clock at all today, she was very aware of each minute at they slipped into the past. The rays of sunlight were gone, blocked by an endless wall of grey clouds that stretched to every horizon. The wind had an unmistakable chill that told görükle escort her that it would soon be raining. Reluctantly she forced herself to get up and close the window.
The foreshadowing of the weather had dampened Paula’s spirits and she found herself wondering where Lexsie was at that moment. She was probably in some office several stories high in some random tall building next to other tall buildings. There would no doubt be a very large window that she never bothered to look out from. Their last conversation echoed hauntingly through Paula’s head.
“Why does success have to be so boring?” Paula pouted.
“It’s not boring to me,” Lexsie countered, “Securing a future is just practical. Can’t you understand that?” She let out a frustrated sigh and shook her head, as her girlfriend avoided eye contact. “Look, I didn’t plan for it to be this way. But I have to go where my company puts me. There’s nothing I can do.”
“You mean there’s nothing you’re willing to do.” Paula responded bitterly.
“I like you Paula. I like you a lot. But we’re two different people, and right now my life is pulling me in another direction. Sometimes opposites just don’t attract.”
“But sometimes opposites DO attract, Lexsie. Don’t you want to find out if it’s that way with us?” Paula’s eyes were brimming with tears, “Don’t you want to see if we can have our happily ever after?”
“I’m sorry baby, but it’s just not possible.”
Paula’s body was filled with the urge to run away as fast as she could, to put this all behind her. But all of her willpower had been drained. Despite herself, she grabbed Lexsie and squeezed as hard as she could. Lexsie returned the embrace, holding her girlfriend’s head against her chest. Though her jacket prevented her from feeling the tears, Lexsie could feel Paula’s head shaking as she sobbed quietly.
The young author’s eyes came back into focus as the memory released her. She reached up to feel the wetness on her cheek. She lifted her glasses and dabbed her eyes with the blanket. The vanilla blanket teased her nostrils with the faint scent of her lover as she brought it up to her face.
“Damn it,” the daydreaming woman said to herself. This was just not working. She needed to escape these painful memories if she expected to create a well-written story. She decided that she needed to envision her newest character.
“Nadia,” Paula spoke into the air, “tell me about yourself.”
The writer closed her eyes and concentrated on the dark and infinite space in front of her. The woman from outside appeared, facing away from the author. Her golden hair swayed and lifted as the wind pushed it around. With a little effort, Paula made the grey coat disappear; followed by the rest of her clothes (it was easy since she didn’t know what they looked like to begin with). Her flawlessly tanned skin-tone was the first feature to stand out in Paula’s mind. There was not even a hint of a tan-line on her delectable ass.
“Very nice. Turn around please,” the author requested.
Nadia did as she was told and faced Paula. Though other parts were attractive, Paula found her dreamy blue eyes to be immediately entrancing. It was as if she had created Nadia for herself instead of her other character. It took a moment for the author to break away from her character’s gaze and run her eyes over the rest of the body. Flat stomach…large, well-rounded breasts…pouty lips…everything was just as she intended it to be.
“Bunny is going to just love you,” Paula proclaimed as she opened her eyes and turned to look at the screen. “Bunny, meet your wildest fantasy.”
With a mischievous sparkle in her eyes, Paula began to tell the tale of promiscuous women who loved nothing more than to get into each other’s pants whenever possible. Her fingers tapped enthusiastically on the keys, barely able to keep up with her thoughts. They tore each other’s clothes off and had uninhibited, passionate sex. The scene would change, Paula would give them new outfits and then the cycle would start all over again.
The young author continued to write as the wind whistled outside and the sky became gradually darker. Soon the rain was pouring down against the side of the house, rapping oppressively on the glass window. Paula shivered bursa escort bayan as she put on another pot of coffee and pecked at some leftovers. Although she wasn’t too terribly hungry, she could feel her body shaking slightly and knew better then to ignore these warning signs.
As the grim daylight succumbed to the night, Paula lit a couple of candles on the desk. Then she tightened the blanket around her and resumed typing. She had left the two women in the midst of a rather passionate session, and found that the change in mood barred her from elaborating any further. Paula frowned and searched her brain for something stimulating.
Nadia appeared in the author’s mind. Beads of sweat were dripping from her naked body, as she was clearly still recovering from her encounters with Bunny. The sexy vixen showed no signs of exhaustion, however. On the contrary, the seductive look on her face proved that she was ready for more. Yet there was something cold and formal in her eyes.
At first Paula was very apprehensive about the idea of fantasizing about one of her characters. Nadia wasn’t real, after all. But she couldn’t deny the familiar behavior her body was showing when she was attracted to someone. The temperature was rising inside and her breathing was becoming slightly more pronounced. It was also impossible to ignore the increasing wetness in her sex. The young woman closed her eyes and gave herself up to her mind.
The seductress was not modest about approaching Paula, for she immediately reached one hand out and cupped the author’s chin. Her other hand stroked Paula’s cheek softly. The back of Nadia’s fingernails scraped lightly as they slid down the surface to the brunette’s neck.
Paula opened up her blanket and revealed her pale body, shivering slightly at the exposure. Her lover knelt before her and began kissing her chest while caressing both breasts with either hand. The young writer’s hands overlapped Nadia’s as they kneaded her rosy nipples. A series of soft whimpers escaped Paula’s mouth as she allowed herself to indulge in the pleasure. She whispered words of encouragement, but Nadia appeared to need none, for she was utterly enthralled in pleasing her partner.
The imaginary seductress had made her way down to her lover’s bellybutton, and Paula’s hands followed. Together, they explored the author’s inner thighs. The sensations were delicate, but rewarding. Paula’s muscles tightened as Nadia’s mouth grazed the skin surrounding her sex. The young writer could not withstand any further teasing and began to rub her forefinger on her glistening clit. Nadia took a moment to catch her lover’s eyes in her own gaze, as if she wanted to be sure that Paula was watching her. Once she was satisfied, Nadia plunged her tongue inside her lover’s sex. The naked brunette cried out with uninhibited delight as she stuck two fingers inside of her.
Paula’s other hand sought to connect with Nadia’s, and soon their fingers were interlocked. What she was feeling was so much deeper than lust. It was difficult to comprehend how she could experience a longing for someone who wasn’t real, but she was too wrapped up in carnal bliss to analyze that at the moment.
The young writer had scooted her bottom down further and was now lying on the chair with her legs spread wide open. Nadia showed her gratitude by continuing to lap at her lover’s sex. Paula’s hips were grinding into Nadia’s face, but Nadia was pushing back with just as much hunger. The author’s fingers were pumping with increased speed and her breaths were growing quicker and shallower with each passing moment. Both women tightened their grips on each other’s hands, causing fingernails to dig into flesh. Paula arched her back and held her breath, suspended in ecstasy. Finally she collapsed, panting as though she had just run several miles.
When Paula’s mind returned from drifting in the ether, she imagined Nadia curling up on her lap and cradling her head. She knew that it wasn’t real, but when she rested her ear against Nadia’s chest, Paula swore that she could here her heartbeat. The sound was achingly familiar. It was then that the truth revealed itself to her.
Nadia was a fictional representation of Lexsie. She had the same mannerisms, the same penetrating gaze, and the same methods for pleasing her. That’s why Paula felt a longing that was so much deeper than lust. When she finally understood this, Nadia’s body faded away and the lonely author was left holding her blanket against her face.
“I miss you,” she whispered softly.
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